


Breathe

by rhys_withoutaspoon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e14 My Bloody Valentine, Gen, Just angst, Post Episode: s05e14 My Bloody Valentine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 23:04:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10292207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhys_withoutaspoon/pseuds/rhys_withoutaspoon
Summary: Breathe, Sam Winchester, breathe. The devil cannot get you here, only the shadows that lurk in your mind.So breathe.In, out.In, out.In, out.(Hello Sammy...)You don't dare breathe.





	

Breathe, Sam Winchester. You are the son of the mighty hunter, the brother of the righteous man. Nothing will break you because you refuse to even think of this as a possibility. Breathe.

(The Devil whispers in your ear and you can’t help but realise his breath is as warm as yours.)

Dean stands solemnly in front of you, the bars obscuring his face. The way he’s staring, it’s almost as if he’s the one behind bars. His eyes are full of pity and worry and you hate it like nothing else. You want to rip out his eyes. See his pitying stare just go away. You want to crush those godforsaken things in your hands, see the life drain from him. Maybe then, he won’t look at you like a broken doll. You preferred his accusatory glare.

(The Devil laughs and murmurs praise, and dread settles as you understand that the thought was wholly your own)

If there’s one thing you’ve only wanted, it was to be treated as an equal. If there’s one thing you’ve never wanted, it was to be pitied.

(I would never pity you. You can almost see his curling smile)

His syllables are drawn out; lilted, as if he takes absolute pleasure in speaking every single vowel. Sam always wondered where Lilith got it from. Or maybe it’s actually Lilith standing behind him. You hear the ghost of a child’s laugh but it.

is.

still.

him.

Dean doesn’t say anything. He never does, but you wish he would. Fill the room with joking and talk of women and booze and maybe Sam could pretend he’s not in cell specifically designed for demons.

(He reminds you you’re more special than any demon, and somehow that makes it worse)

You can now feel his weight on your back; his arms digging into your shoulders. You tense visibly and Dean knows, he just knows. Bracing for him to toss you around the room like Jess did mere minutes ago, you close your eyes. As if that is an adequate apology to Dean for all this shit. You watch Dean walk away, and you’re almost grateful for his departure.

(You’re still tense but he just stands there, and you know he’s waiting for you to relax, so you don’t)

You don’t even breathe. But then your mouth floods with bile as you can feel blood rushing through your body, and you can still taste it. It runs up into your head, veins pulsating with pressure. It builds as a sharp pitch sounds, filling your eyes and ears with pain.

And

You

Let

Go.

You breathe.

(Lucifer croons as you squeeze your eyes tight, knowing he’s going to put you through unimaginable pain.)

He leans over, chin on your shoulder. His mouth brushes your ear, and you shiver. Whatever he says will be a lie. You repeat this, ingraining it into your being.

Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie.

(Oh, Sammy. You claim I never tell the truth. Say that isn’t a lie; I am the Prince of Lies, the King of Deceit. So if I always lie…)

How can that be the truth? Tears drip down your face and you realise he’s caught you in the worst Catch-22. A paradox of your own making, perhaps. His head is still on your shoulder, but he is just out of you eyesight. You are scared to turn.

(Scared that I’m not real?)

You smile weakly. To be honest, you didn’t know which was worse. Either he’s really here, and you’re two steps closer to your supposed fate. Or you’ve gone round the bend. Again, you remind yourself, as you recall the last time you were stuck in this fucking place. You remember the pain, and then you feel that pain, bones stretching, skull collapsing and spine cracking. But you’re still standing still, and the ruptured veins you feel aren’t bleeding.

(Turn around.)

You don’t. Of course you don’t. Why would you?

(Turn around)

If you had the ability to scoff you would, but your vocal chords are flapping uselessly in your torn throat, tongue mangled and teeth smashed.

(Turn around, Sammy)

You don’t get to call me that, you think. Because he doesn’t. Only Dean. Only Dean. Only Dean. Only Dean. Only Dean.

(Turn around you darling freak)

Onlydeanonlydeanonlydeanonlydean.

(TURN AROUND!)

It’s a deafening roar, and what you thought was a flinch flings you across the room. The wall is heavy on your back, but the shame is heavier still. Your chest rises and falls in a shallow approximation of breathing as the flies that fill your mind burst out, buzzing and gnawing and stretching your skull.

(Thanks Sammy)

You flinch again, but this time the flinch is yours alone, not the terrifying figment behind (in front of?) you. You hear his laugh again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again

And you realise you’ve spent hours just sitting there, listening to his laugh. The room is darker now, and your lungs are no longer filling with burning holy water as before. Instead, all you feel is numbness, and somehow that’s so much worse.

(Sorry dear, I just got carried away)

You cringe in fear, ready for another hour of his piercing laugh; but it doesn’t come.

(Now…what’s next? What should I do next…)

His playful tone does not disguise the viciousness in his words, and you know that he isn’t threatening you. You know that you’re past intimidation and threatening and far too gone into pain. He’s just mocking you at this point. So instead, you just stand there, waiting for his next taunt, whether it be words or actions.

(How about you choose? Would you prefer I strip your skin from your rotten body?)

Sam cringed.

(No? Or how about we have another friendly chat with family, okay?)

And then Dean is standing in front of you and you wish you didn’t immediately dismisthe first option. Because it had Dean’s face, but it had his voice. You turn away from the devil, closing your eyes; you hold your hands over your face, holding your breath.

The subsequent pain that ripped through you was almost expected at this point, but it was still deafening in its madness. But still, you don’t take your hands from his face. And you certainly don’t breathe.

Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe.Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe.Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe. Don’t breathe.

“Hey, Sammy?”

Tears drip down your face as you realise you can no longer tell the difference.

“Dean.” You choke the words out of your hollow throat, and they cut you into pieces. He doesn’t respond. You gently take the hands off your face, and you realise you have no idea how long you’ve been here now.

“Dean?” You ask again, words cracking under the insurmountable dread that lives within you.

The figure blurred by your tears smiles.

“No.” And now he’s in front of you. You drop to the floor, sobbing. He picks you up by your throat, and flings you against the wall, bones cracking against the iron. Your vision almost fades, and for a moment you think perhaps you can drift into unconsciousness. But he doesn’t let you. “Sorry Sammy, but… you know this is what you deserve, right?”

You let out a sob because you do know. Your breaths are heavy as he looms over you, still wearing your brother’s face.

“I’m sorry.”

He smiles again, soft and wrong.

“So am I.”

And then you can’t breathe as your mind dives into pain once more. Because you believe him; and maybe you should hate him more.

(Remember, it’s not me. This is all you dearest.)

You cry because he’s right. You cry because you know it’s all in your head. But despite this, you claw your way up the wall, standing once more. You face him.

And you breathe.

In and out.  
In and out.  
In and out.  
In and out.

And you smile.

 

(you think he might've returned it. you hope to whatever god that's abandoned you that he didn't)


End file.
